Crystal Clear
by nownowparamour
Summary: Picking up where The L Word left off. Carmen returns to LA to pay her respects to Jenny and runs into the gang after years of silence. Of course, this also means seeing Shane too...
1. Chapter 1

The rain fell quickly over the usually sunny county of Los Angeles, California. Vast grey clouds emerged from every direction, hovering menacingly over the large cemetery and engulfing the party of mourners that were finally coming to the end of the service. This small group of people gathered, sobbing around a freshly-dug grave in which a grey coffin was slowly being lowered. A smaller group of six stood sheltering under several umbrellas slightly apart from the main group, each with varying levels of pitiless expressions on their faces.

"I don't mean to sound like I'm happy it all came down to this, but boy I sure am glad to see the back of her," Tina whispered, clutching Bette's arm tighter as the cold wind blew hard against her. This was somewhat true: she could neither say she was happy nor sad about what had happened, especially after finding out the exact location of the negatives for _Lez Girls_, but to see the people she loved interrogated for such a disastrous incident was nothing short of heart-breaking.

"That girl caused nothing but trouble," Kit sighed, standing to the left of Bette with one hand firmly placed on her hip, "The way she played every single one of us? Not cool girl, not cool." At this, she raised her eyes slowly to her sister and then moved them over to Tina whom was gripping Bette firmly and shivering into her chest. Kit was concerned about her sister's suspected infidelity but still hadn't managed to decipher exactly what had happened due to the whirlwind of events over the last few months.

"I hope Alice is OK," Max piped up, putting his arms around his stomach and absent-mindedly stroking the bump under his shirt. He had seen his doctor a day before the funeral and was overjoyed to find out that the baby was progressing well. In fact, it wouldn't be too long before his very own bouncing baby boy would be born, and Max couldn't think of anything more spectacular than that. Initially he had been terrified at the thought, but with time and the support of his friends he had come to accept and, what's more, cherish the living being inside of him.

Next to Max stood Tasha whom was frowning heavily, paying no attention to the ceremony and instead watching a dead leaf fall to the ground. "I'm going to see Alice in a couple of hours. I can't believe the Police seriously think she did this," she muttered, clutching the necklace that Alice had given her months ago. Tasha hated standing there in the graveyard, knowing that everything the love of her life was going through right now was all thanks to the woman that lay peacefully in the metal box six feet away from her. The only reason she had agreed to attend the funeral was to support Shane. After all, if the circumstances were different, she knew for a fact that Alice would be there to help her friend. That was just one of the many reasons why Tasha loved Alice.

"None of us can believe it. But all of us are here for her, right ladies?" Bette asked, looking at each of her companions in turn. The women automatically nodded their agreement; Bette gently squeezed Tasha's shoulder until the latter smiled and thanked everyone for their support.

"I'm going to go talk to Shane; see how she's holding up," Helena announced after a few seconds of silence, and she walked up the wet, grassy slope towards the dying tree under which her friend was standing. She grimaced, desperately trying to ignore the fact that her heels were digging further and further into the soft soil with each step. Looking up, she saw Shane take the last few drags of a cigarette and drop it into a puddle next to her foot. She had a blank expression on her face and, in fact, looked completely bored with everything that was happening in front of her. She was dressed as casually as she could possibly be in a grey hooded jacket and ratty black jeans. Helena suddenly had a strange feeling of being overdressed.

Shane watched Helena tentatively approaching out of the corner of her eye and moodily leaned back against the cold, damp trunk of the tree behind her, shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jeans as she did so. She could sense what was coming: another sympathetic smile; another apologetic hug; another batch of tiresome questions as to her well-being. How was she? Was she coping okay? Did she need any help? Did she want to talk about it? Shane loved her friends dearly, but for them to think that she was weak or potentially on the verge of a mental breakdown was something she couldn't abide. She had her own ways of dealing with things, and her own way suited her just fine. Nevertheless, she acknowledged Helena with a slight nod of the head and allowed her to come closer.

"Quickly, get under here before you get sick," Helena gasped, frantically pulling Shane under her umbrella. Shane instinctively shook her wet hair wildly like a dog, but stopped when she saw Helena backing away and holding her arms defensively across her face.

"Sorry," Shane mumbled, "I didn't mean to splash you."

Helena flashed a pained smirk before adding, "Don't worry about it. This suit wasn't that expensive… not really." There was silence for a few minutes in which Helena watched the coffin reach the bottom of the open grave with a soft thud. Shane bit her lip and kicked her sneaker gloomily against a root in the ground beneath her.

"Shane? How are you fee-?"

"No offense, but if one more person asks me how I'm feeling…"

"Sorry. Right. It's just, you know, it's a lot to take in and a lot to deal with, especially alone. We're all here for you, every one of us, no matter what. Whatever you need…"

"What I need, Helena," Shane hissed through clenched teeth, "Is for everyone to stop treating me like a fucking fragile, helpless little child. Okay?" Helena opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again and nodded quickly. Shane slowly shifted her gaze towards the ceremony below them as soil was thrown onto the coffin. "Jenny was my best friend," She continued, suddenly flicking her eyes back to Helena, "My best friend and my girlfriend. And now she's gone, but not before she lied to me and humiliated all of us. So just back off and let me deal with this, okay?"

Shane and Helena held each other's gaze for a few seconds until the latter smiled cautiously and looked away. When the service had come to an end, they walked down the slope towards the rest of their group, Shane crouching against the rain to light another cigarette.

"Hit tonight, anyone?" Shane asked, seeming to suddenly perk up, "I could do with a beer." She looked questioningly from Helena to Kit, whom each nodded and smiled in turn.

Bette put her arm around Shane's tiny frame, "Hit it is. I think we could all do with a drink."

"Max will be on the orange soda though, naturally," Tina added, laughing.

"Yeah," replied Max, chuckling with the others, "I'd better go steady, right?"

With that, the ladies walked back up the cemetery path with Max in tow, still idly cradling his stomach. Shane didn't bother to look back once as she reached the tarnished gates, slid into her car and drove home.


	2. Chapter 2

It was unfortunate that Shane's route home took her past the photography studio; for a while she pulled onto the pavement and sat perfectly still, listening to the gentle hum of the engine. She thought of nothing. She had recapped the events leading up to Jenny's death too many times to count and now preferred, like she did with most things that caused her pain, to simply forget. She took one last look at the studio, taking in the emptiness of the building; the blank walls; the cold floor; the dusty windows, before pushing her foot onto the accelerator once more.

Shane pulled in to the gas station at around 4:30, filled the tank and went to buy more cigarettes. Her cell began to ring as soon as she got back into the car, and for a few seconds she considered ignoring the call until she realised it was Alice ringing. She quickly punched the answer button and threw the cell to her ear, anxious to hear her friend's voice. However in her excitement, she dropped the phone and frantically fumbled under her seat in an attempt to find it.

"Alice?" She shouted, "Hang on. I've dropped my cell. One minute, Alice. Don't hang up on me. Oh come on you little shit, where are- got you!" Finally, she raised the cell to her ear and heard her friend's confused voice from the other end of the line. She smiled for the first time in months.

"Who are you calling a little shit?" Alice snapped.

"Not you, I was just –"

"Never mind that now," Alice replied quickly before gasping excitedly, "Shane, guess what!"

Shane grinned again. She had missed Alice so much. "What? Hey, how come you're calling me on your cell? I thought it was strictly a one phone call policy in the slammer."

"It is but Shane, I'm free! They totally let me go!" yelled Alice.

"What? Oh my God, this is great!" Shane laughed, barely able to contain her happiness, her hand automatically running through her messy hair.

"I know! I'm at home now with the gorgeous Miss Williams. She's made me hot coffee; she's bought me flowers; she got wine from the posh part of the store, you know?" Alice squealed happily. Dropping her voice to a whisper, she added, "And right now she's changing the sheets if you know what I mean."

"Thanks, Alice. I really wanted to know that."

"I've been in prison for months. _Months_ Shane," retorted Alice, defensively.

Suddenly, Tasha's voice was heard over the line. "Basically Shane, Alice wants to know if you're still planning to get your skinny little ass to Hit tonight. And if so, prepare yourself for Miss Pieszecki's fabulous return."

"Can't wait." Shane answered, ending the call with a huge grin on her face.

Turning the ignition, Shane's smile did not falter until she checked her mirror and almost choked on the cigarette she had just lit. She frowned at the reflection, squinting at the figure behind her that had just stepped out of another car. _It can't be._ Shane's eyes travelled slowly over the dark-haired woman that stood with her back to the former. _Surely it can't be._ Shane watched the woman walk into the store, her hips swaying hypnotically. _No._ Shane put the cigarette back to her lips and quickly drove out of the gas station. _Shit. No. It wasn't her. It can't have been. Could it? Of course not._

Half an hour later, Shane turned in to her drive and climbed out of the car. She waved at Bette and Tina as she opened the front door and collected the mail that she had missed in the morning. Bills. How she was going to pay for all this without Jenny she didn't know. She was expecting Max to tell her he would be moving out any day to make room for the baby, leaving Shane alone. Her eyes roamed over the house and she could not think of a place she hated more. Everything she looked at reminded her of Jenny. Shane could picture her sitting at the table, laptop open, typing furiously for her latest idea. She could remember Jenny, looking awkward and timid, admitting her love for Shane in the very same place the latter now stood. Shane gently turned the handle of the room that she and Jenny once shared. She had not entered the room since Jenny's death, choosing to spend her nights in the spare room when she wasn't in bed with whomever she picked up at the bar. She stared for a while at the bed, trying to fight the memories of lying there with Jenny in her arms; or hearing Jenny breathing heavily and moaning loudly so close to her ear; feeling her body move rhythmically underneath her.

Shane shook her head quickly, dragging her fingers through her hair and sighing loudly. The closet stood ajar in the corner of the room and Shane could see all Jenny's clothes hanging there, empty and lifeless. She quickly picked up a bag next to the bed and walked over to the closet. She barely looked at the clothes as she threw them haphazardly into the bag, and tried to ignore the bold scent of Jenny flowing freely from the many dresses, jeans, t-shirts and coats. After filling five bags, Shane made her way back to the car and donated them to the first charity store she came across.

"Wow. Thanks," laughed the young woman working there, "We don't usually get so much. And such good quality too."

"I had a lot of crap to get rid of," Shane mumbled.

Shane lifted her eyes to the woman. She took in her long, blonde hair that shimmered slightly in the light and stopped just above her hips, framing her thin waist perfectly; her vibrant green eyes that were locked onto Shane until the former blinked, looking away awkwardly and grinning sheepishly. Shane supposed she was pretty and held out her hand. The woman took it immediately and smiled even wider.

"I'm Lily."

"Shane," She shook Lily's hand gently and returned the smile, "What are the chances of getting your number?"

Lily blushed and faltered under Shane's intense stare, but quickly jotted down the numbers for her cell and passed it over the counter. Shane tucked the paper into the pocket of her jeans, grinning, and left the shop.

Returning briefly to her house, she changed out of the grey jacket and adopted her somewhat frequent shirt-and-tie combo for the evening. By 9:00 she was leaning on the bar at Hit, beer in hand, eyeing up the potential victims for the night. She spotted an interesting girl opposite her and quickly ordered an extra bottle of beer. Like a panther she slunk through the throbbing crowd of dancers, dodging couples that were grinding slowly to the loud music pulsating around the large room. It was not long before Shane could taste the girl's tongue roaming around her mouth; feel her hot, rapid breath coming out in gasps as she grasped Shane's hair in one hand and pulled her closer. Shane wrapped her hands around the girl's tiny waist; under her tight shirt; over her flat stomach, and heard the girl groan loudly in her ear. The girl ran her hands down Shane's back and slipped them slowly into her back pockets, holding her tight. Shane bit the girl's lip hard and listened to the consequent gasp. She pulled away slowly and looked at the girl, whom was frowning at a small piece of paper. The girl looked up at Shane fiercely.

"I just found this in your pocket. What the fuck?" The girl was shouting, shoving the paper with Lily's number into Shane's hands. "How many girls do you have already?" She turned sharply on her heel and marched away.

"Wait," Shane began, but quickly realised she didn't care. She couldn't even remember the girl's name. Or if she bothered to ask the girl her name in the first place.

Ordering another beer from the bar, she spotted her friends arriving and beckoned them over. Barely five minutes past before the whole group were staring at the entrance, gasping and clapping loudly. Shane heard Kit's voice clearly over the crowd.

"Baby girl what are you doing here?"

Alice was bouncing happily towards her friends, smiling widely. "I broke out from prison, Kit, what do you think? Surprise everyone!"

Shane stood immediately and grasped her best friend tightly, laughing and swaying, before ordering the finest champagne to celebrate.

"This is great Alice!" Bette grinned.

"They just let you go?" Tina asked.

"Well they had nothing to go on really," Alice shrugged, clearly enjoying the attention, "Plus there was no evidence of a struggle or anything like that so they just decided it must have been…"

Alice stopped and looked sheepishly at Shane.

"Suicide." Shane finished for her, staring at her champagne fixedly.

"Well," stuttered Helena, feeling the awkward tension rising, "At least it's settled."

"Anyway," Max piped up, resting his glass of orange soda on his stomach, "A toast is in order. To Miss Alice Pieszecki, criminal mastermind, and our best friend."

The group laughed loudly and touched their glasses together. "To Alice."

"Oh my God," Bette suddenly gasped, her eyes wide and flickering suddenly towards Shane, "Isn't that…?"

"Kit!" A voice squealed from the other side of the room.

Shane froze, feeling the hairs on the back of her head rising. She knew that voice; she would recognise it anywhere; she would remember its sweet tone for the rest of her life. Shane could not help it; she had to see this for herself. Slowly, she turned in her seat towards the sound of the voice. Even though she knew what was coming, she still felt as though she had been punched in the stomach as soon as she laid eyes on Carmen.

Her long dark hair swept seductively across her face; her smile was bright and wide; her eyes sparkled as she took in her surroundings. Her thighs strained underneath the tight jeans she was wearing as she skipped joyfully towards Kit, embracing her tightly. Kit was laughing in shock, not quite sure what to do or say next. She pulled Carmen away and held her at arm's length.

"Now girl, I did not expect to see you here! How long has it been? Too long, baby girl, too long. Oh don't you look wonderful. I'm telling you, all these surprises are too much for me. Oh honey it is wonderful to see you. Everyone else is over there if you want to say hey."

Carmen walked over to the group cautiously, her hips hypnotising Shane once more. The latter dragged her reluctant eyes to the ground. _This was not good._ Everyone except Shane stood awkwardly as Carmen reached the table at which the group was gathered.

"Carmen! What a surprise to see you!"

"You look great!"

"I did not see this coming."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine thank you everyone. I know this must be weird; I mean I haven't seen you guys in so long. In fact I haven't set foot in LA since…" Carmen stopped suddenly, her eyes finally landing on Shane. She had planned this moment for so long, trying to perfect this so that she did not cry as soon as she saw Shane, but even now she could feel tears welling in her eyes and she had to blink them back quickly to regain her composure. She would not let Shane get to her like that again. Simply looking at the woman that was once the love of her life was like opening up a healed scar and feeling the pain of the wound all over again, but at the same time she could barely take her eyes off Shane. She looked up and down the familiar figure, remembering how much she had once loved this woman, and how much this same woman had crushed her heart.

Inhaling deeply, Carmen whispered, "Hi Shane."


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the long wait! I don't have much free time what with University and buying a flat and all that jazz, so you'll have to bear with me.**

**I also want to thank the people that have given me really lovely reviews; more reviews and comments are of course always welcome. Also thank you to anyone that has added this to their favourites and their alerts. Thanks for being patient anyway :)**

**Anyway, enjoy!  
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><p>Shane glanced towards the speaker and watched her lips hesitantly form those two simple words. She noticed the slight intake of breath and the unmistakeable strain in her voice. Carmen's face flushed instinctively and she flinched slightly as she said Shane's name. Shane caught her eye for no more than a second. Recognising the pain and sadness still so clear in Carmen's sharp stare, the former ducked her head quickly and concentrated upon a spot on the floor beneath her feet. She could feel the heat of Carmen's gaze upon her for a few more seconds until she felt the heat fade and heard Carmen's faint sigh. Shane closed her eyes at the sound. She never imagined that she would hear Carmen say her name ever again; be in the same room as her; see her standing no more than two feet away. That familiar naturally sweet fragrance surrounded Shane, making her forget everything and everyone else around her, as if her mind were encased in a thick fog. A part of her wanted so badly to reach out and hold the woman that was now waiting so patiently for a reply. She wished she were able to touch her once more and make her understand how sorry she really was, as a string of memories flashed unforgivably before her eyes. She knew it wasn't right to feel like this, for her heart to be racing and her mind to be picturing Carmen in her arms, after all the shit she put this woman through when they were together. She didn't even understand how she <em>could<em> feel this way; for so long she had felt so empty, bored and downright depressed. She had once more settled for what she knew: pick them up, fuck them, and then get the fuck out of there. But Carmen had always been different and had somehow managed, all those years ago, to make Shane want to change her ways. It seemed like she still had that effect on her now.

Shane opened her eyes and stared intensely at the floor. She didn't think she could bear to make eye contact, to see the eyes that seemed to look right into her soul. Everyone was deadly silent, their eyes flicking rapidly between Shane and Carmen, waiting for someone to break the tension that was reaching an uncomfortable level. Just as Alice was about to step in with some remark about what a marvellous new haircut Tina had, Shane cleared her throat, wrung her hands nervously and whispered back, "Hi Carmen."

The group exhaled collectively, as they had all been holding their breath in anticipation. Carmen finally wrenched her eyes from Shane and turned to Alice whom was stood next to her, saying loudly:

"I hope you don't mind me turning up out of the blue like this, but I heard about Jenny and came to pay my respects."

Alice snorted. "Of course we don't mind you turning up; it's wonderful to see you. What we do mind is the paying respects part." Carmen frowned questioningly at Alice before the latter added, "It's a long story but basically she fucked us all over and I ended up falsely imprisoned on a suspected murder charge."

"Seriously it's easier to just not get into it," smiled Bette as Carmen stared at Alice with a look of utter shock on her face.

"That's terrible; I'm really sorry Alice. Maybe I should just leave; paying my respects was the only thing that brought me here," Carmen said awkwardly. Shane felt a pang in her stomach at these words. Of course Carmen wouldn't have returned for any other reason and it was stupid to think otherwise.

Kit appeared behind Carmen and placed an arm playfully around her shoulder. "Are you crazy girl?" she grinned as Carmen frowned at her in confusion, "We're all so glad you came to see us. Besides," she winked, before twisting Carmen around and pointing across to the stage, "We've just bought a brand new set of decks and, I think I can speak for everyone here, I can't think of anyone more perfect to christen it than Miss de la Pica Morales. Am I right or am I right?"

There was a loud cheer behind Carmen as she immediately blushed and allowed herself to be dragged away by Kit. Shane took the opportunity to sneak into the rest room without being noticed. She tactfully dodged a blonde on the way, whom she was more than certain was attempting to seduce her. Trying to ignore the obvious moans of pleasure echoing from the cubicle behind her, she ran her fingers slowly through her dark hair – a regular habit she used to calm herself during emotional situations. The reflection in the mirror stared sadly back at her. Her mind was overloaded with memories, a constant loop replaying in her head. She splashed her face with water a few times, feeling the cold droplets roll slowly down her cheek, and sighed. _Why the fuck does this have to happen now?_ She thought to herself. She was grieving the loss of a best friend for a start; the last thing she needed was Carmen messing with her mind. It was clear Shane had always loved Carmen despite how she had treated her and, as much as it stung Shane to admit it, she guessed she always would. As Carmen had said, all those years ago, they had both known what the real deal was as soon as they had set eyes upon each other. Shane was beginning to understand a bond as strong as that doesn't simply fade away with time.

Shane snapped suddenly out of her trance and left the couple in the restroom as the groans became steadily more uncomfortable to overhear. Making a beeline for the bar, she heard Kit's voice suddenly boom joyfully through the speakers as she climbed the steps up into the new DJ booth.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, gays and dykes alike!" She announced enthusiastically, smiling widely at the large crowd of people that continued to pulsate in front of her before turning the music down and continuing, "I have a very special guest with me tonight who I know fo' sure y'all going to love. This little lady is a good friend of mine and I'm thrilled to have her here at Hit tonight. So if y'all want to show your appreciation for my girl, Carmen!"

Shane craned her neck instinctively to see the Latina appear behind the decks. Carmen stepped forward confidently as the room erupted into applause. She placed the headphones around her neck and ran her hand slowly across the impressive equipment in front of her. Taking the microphone from Kit, she grinned mischievously at the people looking up at her.

"I just wanted to say what a huge pleasure it is to be here," Carmen began, "It feels so strange to be back and to see what an amazing job Kit and Helena have done with Hit. Isn't it great?" she asked, laughing as the crowd cheered, "Thank you for letting me christen the new decks; it really is a privilege. I've missed LA so much. Enjoy."

Carmen flashed another sparkling grin before pulling the headphones over her ears and turning the music up, resulting in a mass of people once again grinding upon each other all over the room. A smile was playing at the corners of Carmen's lips as she settled into the music and realised she felt very much at home, as if it was just yesterday that she was playing a set for Kit back at The Planet . She raised her arms slowly above her head, her eyes roaming around the room and observing the throng of people moving simultaneously in front of her. She spotted a familiar skinny figure by the bar, swigging her beer quickly and dragging her hands repeatedly through her dark messy locks. Carmen frowned as she discreetly watched Shane, realising that for some reason a part of her felt concerned about how exhausted and empty she looked. Carmen had always imagined that, should she come across her again, she would happily shove her fist deep into Shane's face. Carmen knew she was capable of doing so; the amount of times she had fought with her cousins had really built up her strength and developed her feisty attitude. But as soon as she had looked upon that lonely, lost face, she had been instantly reminded of a younger Shane wanting Carmen so badly but also trying so hard to push her away. Carmen sighed heavily and began dancing again; it seemed Shane would always be an emotional fuck up.

Shane stared at the woman that was now spinning the decks furiously and passionately swaying her hips. It was so difficult to not be drawn to her; it was if the rest of the club did not exist. After watching the Latina for a few minutes, Shane reluctantly forced her eyes away and quickly headed for the way out, not being able to take much more. She stopped to light a cigarette as soon as she stepped outside and inhaled deeply. The smoke burnt her throat slightly before she blew it out of her mouth and leaned back against the wall, feeling much more relaxed. Shoving her hand suddenly into her back pocket, she pulled out the crumpled note containing Lily's number. She quickly punched the numbers into her cell and waited impatiently for the answer. Within ten minutes she was climbing into Lily's car and kissing her hungrily as they drove away. Shane didn't notice Carmen watching her from the other side of the glass door.

... ... ... ... ...

The front door flung open and shut again as the unmistakeable sound of two women laughing filled the room. A bulb suddenly flickered to life, casting light around the small, messy kitchen. Lily fidgeted awkwardly and began hastily stowing piles of plates into nearby cupboards.

"Sorry it's such a mess and the house isn't much to look at really," she mumbled quickly, retrieving a pair of socks from the top of the fridge.

"I don't care," Shane stated simply, grabbing Lily by the waist and roughly kissing her neck.

Lily gasped, "Are you sure you don't want a coffee or something? Another beer?"

"No."

Lily grinned and sighed in defeat as Shane pulled their hips together whilst kissing her harder on the lips. She cleared the dining table with a casual sweep of her arm and flipped Lily onto her back before crawling onto the desk after her. Without hesitating, Shane ripped Lily's shirt and bra open and, before Lily even had the chance to think about removing Shane's, she had already taken it off and flung it to the floor. Eagerly, she opened the buttons of Lily's jeans and kissed her again, hearing her groan in excitement. She moved slowly down Lily's throat and across her chest, listening to the audible gasp as her tongue caressed her skin; she made small circles with the tip of her tongue over Lily's nipples, and they became harder under her touch. Lily could feel Shane's right hand travelling down her stomach and rotating slowly on her hips. She grabbed Shane roughly and dragged her face back up to her own, pushing her tongue forcefully into Shane's mouth, whilst instantaneously spreading her legs wider. Shane grinned mischievously in response, stroking her tongue against Lily's and feeling her hot breath hit the back of her throat. She immediately slipped her hand into Lily's pants, grinning once again as the latter froze in anticipation. Shane stroked her gently at first, listening as her breath instantly became heavier, before gradually increasing in speed and fucking her harder. Lily dug her nails deep into Shane's skin as she arched her back in pleasure; it was not long before she was completely wet and moaning loudly.

Shane, on the other hand, was trying her best to remain focused. She was certainly enjoying herself – the feel of Lily's body moving rhythmically against hers; the vague, blissful look on her face; the sound of her gasping and groaning every time Shane touched her – yes that was all totally fucking hot. But her mind was whirring away so much it made her head reel. She was hounded by the image of Carmen standing in front of her earlier, almost in tears and trying desperately to hide it. She could see Carmen dancing on the stage, her eyes shut and those fucking fantastic hips swaying seductively. Shane closed her eyes tightly to push the thoughts away, just as another made her immediately jump off the dining table and away from Lily. She had imagined Carmen underneath her, just as Lily had been, beads of sweat running down her naked body.

Shane scrambled around for her clothes and hastily shoved them on. Without looking at Lily, she made her way quickly to the door. Lily sat up and frowned angrily.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"Shit," Shane mumbled, and left the house without another word.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! I'm finally updating again. I've changed my plan for this so much since I last updated but I'm now settled on a final decision for where I'm going to go with it, so hopefully I'll be able to do it justice and you'll enjoy reading it. Also, in case you didn't know, I'm British so I apologise in advance if there's any typically British stuff in here. I'm trying to sound as American as I can, I swear.**

**Don't forget to leave me a review; they are very much valued :)**

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><p>The clock on the dashboard flashed 02:48 and Shane slowed to a halt, staring gloomily at the empty street in front of her. The night was jet-black. A streetlamp behind the car flickered feebly, barely managing to cast sufficient light within a metre radius. Droplets of rain glistened under the glow of the headlights and splattered heavily against the windows. Switching the wipers on, she squinted through the dense darkness to read the road sign. Yes, this was the place. Suddenly she felt nervous and considered turning back home. No, she needed to see. <em>Just a quick look and then leave<em>, she repeated to herself. Somewhere to her right, she could hear the muffled sound of a party in full swing – loud music, laughter and ladies. For once she didn't feel like following the noise and joining the party. In fact, the last thing she wanted was to take some pretty little nobody for a meaningless fuck, especially not when memories of her relationship with Carmen kept floating around her mind. Her fists clenched on the steering wheel as she drove cautiously down the deserted street, instinctively sinking lower in her seat. She counted nine houses as she passed them before coming to a stop outside a house she had visited so frequently a few years back.

The house looked exactly the same as she remembered it, as if she had visited just yesterday. Yet, having seen the household buzzing with activity, packed with Carmen's many relatives and smelling of whatever Mercedes had been cooking, it was strange to see it so quiet and dark. She remembered pulling up to this exact spot with Carmen and feeling the nausea rising in the pit of her stomach. Meeting Carmen's family had terrified her at first; not knowing much about what it meant to be a family, but she soon grew to love the Morales just as much as she loved Carmen. They made her feel like she belonged somewhere, like she mattered. _All you have to do is be yourself and they are going to fucking love you._ Shane smirked at the memory and turned the ignition, preparing to leave.

Before she could drive away, a light flicked on inside the house and she froze. She didn't want to be seen sat outside but a part of her really wanted to know that Carmen was still in LA, and hadn't left again as soon as she had finished her set at Hit. Shane stared at the window, her foot hovering above the gas pedal ready to floor it if she was spotted. The dark haired Latina finally sauntered into view, drinking from a milk carton and stretching her free arm above her head, her tank top riding up her stomach as she did so. Shane sunk lower and couldn't help but smile affectionately as Carmen wiped her mouth and yawned widely. Noticing her bare stomach she quickly pulled her top back down and to Shane's surprise, she drew her hands up to her eyes and her shoulders began to shake violently. Shane automatically reached for the door handle to get out of the car but hesitated before opening it, realising how awful it would look if she ran into Carmen's house at three in the morning to comfort her, especially when Carmen thought she was crying in the privacy of her home. Just then Carmen dropped her hands, tears streaming down her face and glanced out of the window, frowning as she spotted Shane's car in front of her house.

"Fuck!" Shane shouted, realising that her concern for Carmen had made her forget that she would need to get out of there and quickly. She slammed her foot onto the gas pedal and sped away from Carmen's house, not stopping until she reached her own driveway.

... ... ... ... ...

A soft wind rustled through the trees. The sky was clear and Shane placed her shades over her eyes as she sauntered down the winding path, listening to the gravel crunch under her sneakers as she did so. She stopped at a crossroad in the path before sharply turning right and proceeding down a gentle hill. She walked in a mechanical fashion, her face expressionless, silently counting the rows of tombstones as she marched. After reaching the seventh row she turned left and walked between the graves, absent-mindedly reading them when she passed. _Nancy Redcliff, aged 92_; _Robert Fletcher, aged 41_;_ Sara Naylor, aged 17_. God, this was depressing. Shane ruffled her hair and came to a sudden standstill when she reached Jenny's grave at the end of the row. Her eyes slowly roamed over the ridiculously fancy tombstone, sighing at the stupid verse written on the stone. As if Jenny could be summed up in four rhyming sentences. Bouquets of various sizes and colours were arranged meticulously in front of the grave; some already turning brown and limp. Shane laid a small bunch of flowers with the rest and sat on the grass, still slightly damp from the recent bad weather. She stared at the name in front of her. _Jenny Schecter._ It was bizarre how empty that name now felt to Shane. She opened her mouth slowly and closed it, looked around the cemetery and tried again.

"Hi," she began, wincing at how absurd she sounded, "I thought I'd come by and give you those. I don't know what they are exactly, but I suppose that doesn't really matter now... Jenny, this feels stupid. Why do people even bother doing this, speaking to graves? You can't hear us." She looked around her again, feeling self-conscious, but she was completely alone. After a long pause, she mumbled, "We were best friends, why didn't you talk to me before you jumped into that fucking pool? Why did you hide so much from me?" Shane pounded her fist into the ground in frustration and angrily wiped away a traitorous tear. She sighed and continued, "I miss you, Jenny. It feels like a completely different world without you here, even though everything else has remained the same. I feel like everything about _me_ is different too; I'm changing and it scares me. I'm lost in a city I know so well."

Shane heard someone move behind her and turned suddenly, offended by the interruption. Her angry words stopped short in her throat, however, as Carmen walked slowly along the row of graves and hesitated just before she reached Shane. She pretended she hadn't accidently overheard the last part of Shane's speech.

"I didn't know you were going to be here, sorry." Carmen crossed the last few steps until she reached Jenny's grave and indicated a bouquet of flowers in her right hand. "Just bringing these," she explained and placed the flowers next to Shane's. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

Shane blinked and quickly forced her eyes away from Carmen's figure, directing her next words to the grass she was picking out of the ground. "Do you want to sit?" she asked, not expecting Carmen to accept the offer.

On the contrary Carmen immediately sat on the ground, not caring about the damp feel of the grass, and stared at Shane. She watched as Shane's eyes flickered uneasily from the grave to the ground to Carmen and back again. The two women did not speak for several minutes.

"Are we just going to sit here in silence then?" Carmen asked acidly.

Shane turned and looked into Carmen's eyes, reading her expression, before whispering, "I'll get out of your way."

She stood and straightened her shirt before walking towards the exit. As she passed Carmen, she felt a hand suddenly wrap tightly around her bony wrists; in a flash the hand was gone again. She turned to see Carmen looking shocked at herself. The latter lifted her eyes to Shane, flashing a pleading look as she stuttered,

"Wait. Stay, please?"

Shane stared at the woman in front of her. Her ex-fiancé, the woman she had torn apart, was asking for her company? She didn't dwell on it though and obeyed in an instant; fearful that Carmen would change her mind just as quickly as she had made it. She made sure she sat some distance from Carmen to allow her some space. Again, the Latina initiated the conversation.

"So can I ask what you were doing outside my house at 3 a.m. a couple of days ago? Don't tell me you weren't; I saw your car drive away when I looked out of the window, and you were inside it. It's a little bit creepy, don't you think?"

_Shit_. Shane was silent for a moment, trying to find a way out of this without simply getting up and running. She was sick of running. She pulled her fingers through her hair, removed her shades and cleared her throat.

"Carmen, I don't know how to answer that."

"At least you're honest," Carmen snickered.

"I don't know how to explain. But I'll try," Shane continued, disregarding Carmen's remark, "I was pretty freaked out when you suddenly appeared out of the blue, after all these years. What did you expect? I was even more confused that you acknowledged me. I've been in a bad shape since… since Jenny; everything is so strange and I'm not sure what I'm doing here anymore. I was stupid, with some girl," she explained, pausing here as Carmen flinched at her words, "But all I could think about was you, and the fact that suddenly you were back in LA. I ran from the girl and went home but the next thing I knew I was in my car, driving towards your house." Carmen ducked her head and Shane was worried she was crying again but she continued anyway, wanting her to understand. "I just needed to know you hadn't left."

"When you call them 'some girl'," Carmen snapped, lifting her head suddenly and revealing fresh tears forming in her eyes, "You make them sound like they are nothing, as if they don't matter and don't have feelings that you can easily crush." Her voice broke slightly at this but she regained control and glared at Shane.

Shane understood they weren't really talking about Lily at this point. She put her head in her hands and spoke into her palms.

"I know, and you've got to believe me when I say it's something I'm not proud of."

Carmen laughed curtly, "Don't give me that 'it's just who I am' bullshit, Shane. It won't work on me this time."

The women looked at each other, remembering what Shane had asked Alice to tell Carmen on their wedding day. Shane slowly moved closer to Carmen, until she could practically reach out and hold her. Carmen did not react to Shane's advance and stood her ground.

"I don't know what I can do to make you believe how sorry I am. I wouldn't be surprised if you _never_ believe me. I wouldn't blame you." Shane hung her head, before adding, "If there is one thing I regret, out of all the stupid things I've done, it's leaving you. I hurt and humiliated you in front of our friends and family, and I ran away from the best thing that ever happened to me." At this Shane looked right into Carmen's eyes, "I am so sorry."

Carmen stared back into Shane's eyes, giving the latter the familiar feeling that Carmen could see right into her soul and read it as easily as a book. The Latina sighed; she couldn't deny Shane's apology came from the heart.

Her voice softened as she replied, "I was so mad at you, livid in fact. But I think time allows people to gain perspective and grow. I'm not mad anymore, not really. I'm staying in LA; Kit has given me an offer I can't refuse, for one thing, and I want us to work this out somehow. I want to be able to walk into The Planet or Hit and not feel this awkward tension. I miss having you in my life; I've stopped pretending that isn't true."

Shane nodded, "I miss you too."

"Okay. We both need to work on things. I need to stop being so demanding and you need to stop running away."

"I want to. I'm so tired."

"You need to see what you have and cherish that."

"I know."

There was a final pause before Carmen smiled, "I'm going to hug you now, okay?"

Shane grinned, somewhat in disbelief, and nodded. Carmen leaned in halfway and Shane met her in the middle, embracing her firmly and trying as best she could to put all her remorse into the hug. Carmen allowed the hot tears to spill out onto her cheeks and roll off her chin as she gripped tightly to Shane, whilst the latter stroked the Latina's hair. Both women secretly marvelled in the fact that they could feel the other's body so close to their own again, as though it was where each had always belonged.

They broke apart at the same time and grinned sheepishly at each other. Carmen excused herself to run an errand and said goodbye to Jenny. She squeezed Shane's hand lightly before getting to her feet and walking away. Shane noticed that Carmen suddenly seemed to hold herself more freely, as though a visible weight had been lifted. The former grinned at the retreating figure, before patting Jenny's tombstone lightly and returning up the cemetery path to her car.

... ... ... ... ...

The following day, Shane was walking towards The Planet. It was a beautiful day and she had decided to leave the car at home. She had a strange feeling something wonderful was about to happen. She hadn't stopped smiling since her encounter the previous day with Carmen and she seemed to have adopted a slight spring to her step. Stopping at the corner of the sidewalk and waiting for the long line of cars to pass, she sang into her cell,

"Guess who I was with yesterday?"

Alice's intrigue was immediately captured, "Who?"

"Carmen."

"What?"

"That's right. Alice, we talked and it was fantastic. Like, really talked. She wants things to just be okay between us again."

Alice gasped as though receiving the juiciest gossip she had ever heard, "Did you guys fuck?"

"Wha-no, Alice, we just talked." Shane heard Alice grumbling to herself at the missed opportunity to spread the word to everyone she knew. Shane merely laughed, adding, "Al I'll see you at The Planet okay? I've just got something to do real quick."

"Don't be long!"

Shane hung up, sliding her cell into her jeans pocket and jogged across the road until she reached the store that Lily worked in. Taking a deep breath, and remembering what she had discussed with Carmen, she let herself in and stepped warily up to the counter. A large, built man stood in front of Shane, his thick tattooed arms folded across his chest. He towered over everything, his sharp buzz cut almost touching the ceiling. Shane stared wide-eyed up at him, and asked politely,

"Is Lily working today?"

He nodded.

"Can I speak to her?"

Without answering, he disappeared into the back room, appearing again moments later with Lily in tow. Lily gasped as she spotted Shane and immediately scowled.

"You've got some nerve."

"Everything okay Lily?" the large man asked in a strangely camp voice, contrasting greatly with his appearance.

Shane stared at him with a look of surprise, before returning her attention to Lily, "I just want to talk to you."

Lily ushered the man away and folded her arms in anticipation.

"About the other night," Shane began, "I am really sorry. I freaked out and that's the reason I left; it was nothing about you. I've been pretty fucked up, and not just recently. I treat women like crap most of the time because I'm terrified and I'm sorry to say I did it to you too. I'm trying to change. I'm so sorry," she pleaded, flashing Lily a hesitant smile, "Friends?"

Lily sighed, unfolded her arms and nodded. Shane grinned instantly and thanked her. Her cell began to ring and she excused herself for a moment.

"Al, what's up?"

"I just got a call from the hospital. It's Max."

Shane's face turned white. Lily frowned at her, worried and not sure what to do.

"What? What's wrong? Is he alright? What happened?" Shane blurted out quickly.

"Oh, yeah everything is fine. Shane, Max has gone into labour. Get your ass to the hospital right now; we'll meet you there. Isn't this exciting?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Again, I'm sorry for the wait. I've moved home so things have been pretty crazy recently and I've had no time or motivation to do anything at all with the story until now. I spent FOREVER writing and rewriting this and I changed the whole direction of the story so much over the last few weeks, just to make sure you guys like it and keep reading. So, after all that, I really hope this chapter pleases you. If not I'll cry. Maybe.**

**Also, thank you so, so much to everyone that is following this story, everyone that has reviewed it or added it to their favourite stories. I know it's corny but it really means a lot so thank you again. Keep them coming!**

* * *

><p>Shane listened numbly to the dialling tone and turned to face Lily whom by now looked extremely perplexed. The former quickly shook herself out of her sudden trance and shoved her cell into her pocket.<p>

Grasping Lily by the shoulders, Shane grinned widely and said, "Sorry, I have to go. It's my friend. He's giving birth!"

With that, Shane pulled Lily into a quick bear hug and bolted out of the door. Lily stood still in the silence that followed, frowning at the empty space that Shane had inhabited merely a second ago.

"_He's_ giving birth?" Lily whispered questioningly.

Outside, Shane was racing back to her house whilst inwardly cursing the Shane McCutcheon that had awoken 3 hours previously and, seeing the blazing sun streaming through her bedroom window, had made the decision to leave her car in the driveway and, instead, walk to The Planet. Sprinting as fast as her legs would take her, she narrowly dodged an elderly couple and came to a sudden stop at a busy intersection, panting heavily and clutching her chest as cars passed. _I really should start thinking about quitting smoking_, she thought idly to herself, stretching her legs as she felt her thighs start to burn in protest. As she waited impatiently for the traffic to stop, a familiar car pulled up in front of her and the door flew open. Shane ducked her head and peered inside. Carmen smiled back at her over the top of her dark Ray-Bans, her eyes mulling over the sweat glistening on Shane's forehead.

"I just heard Max is having his baby right now. You're going the wrong way you know? The hospital is this way," she laughed, indicating the road ahead of her.

"I know but all of his stuff is at the house; I figured he might need it."

"Jump in," Carmen ordered before turning the car around and driving back to Shane's house as quickly as the state of California law would allow.

Both women jumped out of the car as soon as they pulled into Shane's driveway and sprinted together to the door. Shane immediately began throwing clothes into a bag, her mind racing to think what else Max might need.

"His pillow," Carmen said plainly, as though reading Shane's thoughts. When Shane spun to look questioningly at her she added, "He'll want his pillow for comfort, you know? It'll be like a security blanket, that sort of thing. Plus those hospital beds sure as hell aren't comfortable."

"You seem pretty well-informed."

"_I_ wanted my pillow when _I_ was –" Carmen stopped short as though she had said too much. After a pause she mumbled quietly, "When I was in hospital."

Shane frowned and quickly scrutinised the woman standing before her, whom had now turned an alarming shade of red. Bizarrely, Carmen had quickly gone from smiling and laughing mere minutes ago just like the woman Shane remembered falling in love with, to discreetly wiping her eyes and avoiding her gaze. Shane half-expected Carmen to reveal a ghastly scar or a prosthetic leg to account for this sudden outburst that was clearly haunting her but, on the contrary, she looked just as beautiful and as healthy as always.

Shane's mind abruptly travelled back to the night she was sitting outside Carmen's house and watched as the latter burst into tears so strong she visibly shook. Shane was still clueless to why this had happened; it had been so unexpected and, as far as she knew, unprovoked. Something was definitely wrong and Carmen was evidently trying her best to not draw attention to it.

"Carmen?" Shane began cautiously, not proceeding until the Latina lifted her eyes to meet hers, "Are you-?"

_What?_ Shane thought, _Are you okay? No, that's stupid; she obviously isn't okay, she's just been crying you idiot. What if it's something she wants to keep private? Do I even have the right to be concerned? Will she think I'm intruding? Oh shit, she's going to get upset that I'm prying and she'll stop talking to me. We were doing so well…_

Carmen interrupted Shane's train of thoughts with a dismissive wave of her hand, her sparkling smile swiftly replacing her previous look of agony as though nothing had happened. Shane had to admit Carmen pulled it off better than a professional actor.

"I'm fine," Carmen said bluntly and, nodding towards the kitchen window, added, "His pillow. And don't forget the baby clothes either. I'll go get his toothbrush, okay?"

When Shane did nothing but continue to look at her as though she was about to break apart at any second, Carmen raised an eyebrow and put one hand on her hip. Shane recognised that look straight away. _Do as I say – now._

Shane flew to Max's studio without another word. Carmen grinned, somewhat pleased that the eyebrow thing still worked like a charm, and padded softly into the bathroom. She hesitated as she passed Shane's room, her hand automatically poised to open the door. _Just a quick peek; I'm just curious._ As soon as she thought it she changed her mind and walked swiftly away from the door.

Returning to the kitchen, she stopped to look around her at the house she had once lived in and smiled. Eerily, not much seemed to have changed. The only noticeable difference was the obvious absence of all things Jenny. Her books and papers were no longer scattered over the table; her perfumes and bath salts were nowhere to be seen; even the atmosphere within the house seemed strangely void of the woman. Other than that, everything else appeared to be exactly the same. The kitchen was laid out precisely the same way it had been years ago, as though time had stood still. It was in this room – this exact spot – that Carmen had confronted Shane about the love they felt for each other. _Do you feel this? Most people don't have this. This is rare._ The memory came back to her so sharp and so clear that it could easily have been just yesterday, and yet in reality so much time had passed; so much had happened within that time that it overcame Carmen like a tidal wave. In so many ways she and Shane were both completely different people to whom they used to be; yet Carmen instinctively knew that she could tell Shane the same thing she did years ago in this very kitchen, and she would still mean every word of it.

And now, peculiarly, she found herself watching the love of her life running around mere feet away from her, preparing for the birth of their friend's baby.

"It's crazy," she muttered as Shane reappeared in the kitchen equipped with a large, bursting rucksack, "So much is different and yet so much is the same."

Shane nodded slowly in agreement. She tentatively reached out and squeezed Carmen's warm hand.

"Are you okay?" she asked, feeling stupid for repeating herself and being unable to think of a better question.

It worked, however, as Carmen lifted her eyes to Shane's and smiled slowly before nodding. The two women allowed their greedy eyes to connect for a few more seconds before they dropped their gaze and ran together back to the car, laughing loudly and gushing over potential baby names.

… … … … …

"I really don't understand why the fuck you're bringing all this fucking nonsense back up again. Nothing happened. Can't you just fucking leave it?"

Kit took a step back. She knew her sister was angry as soon as the fucks began spitting out of her mouth like venom.

"I just want to know what exactly happened, baby sis. 'Cos that video sure as hell didn't look like nothing happened."

"That fucking video," Bette scoffed, shaking her head, "How many more times do I have to fucking tell you? There was stuff all over the floor and she was picking it up, that's why her fucking head was down..." Bette paused to calm herself. She knew her sister was just looking out for her and Tina but it infuriated her to think that, even in death, Jenny _fucking_ Schecter was causing drama.

"Okay," Kit resigned, "But that's not how it looks on the video."

"I know how it looks on the fucking video, Kit!" Bette almost shouted before calming herself once more and continuing in a quieter voice, "Do you really think I'd fuck someone else, that I'd put Tina through all that again, that I'd put _myself_ through that again? You know how much I love Tina and it still disgusts me that I once made such a fucking terrible mistake. She means everything to me, Kit."

Kit nodded solemnly as Bette continued, "We're moving in a couple of weeks to get away from all this fucking mess that – that_ cunt_ – created with that twisted little mind of hers. She _died_ in _our_ pool, Kit. Don't you understand why we want to get away from that, get Angelica away?"

Kit fidgeted for a while, feeling like a horrible person for not believing her sister straight away. How could she have sided with Jenny Schecter, of all people, over her own flesh and blood?

"I'm sorry," Kit said gravely, "Of course, you're right. I'm so sorry I brought it up."

Bette sighed and wrapped her arms around her sister.

"You'll get rid of the damn video, right?" she mumbled into Kit's shoulder.

Kit nodded.

"And you won't tell Tina?"

"Tell Tina what?" another voice interrupted.

Bette pulled herself away from Kit immediately and froze at the sight of Tina stood in the doorway, fresh hot coffees in her hands, looking both puzzled and suspicious. Bette smiled convincingly, strode confidently over to Tina and took a cup from her, kissing her on the forehead as she did so.

"Nothing sweetie," she smiled again before leaving the room.

Tina continued to stand by the door. Placing her free hand on her hip she glared at Kit for answers.

"Kit, I know what's going on here."

Kit widened her eyes, giving her the rather amusing appearance of a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Y-You do?" she stammered, trying not to give anything away and inwardly cursing Bette for leaving her here in this situation.

"I do." Tina stepped slowly towards Kit until they were face-to-face, and then she cracked into a wide smile, "Bette's planning a surprise party for my birthday isn't she?"

Kit barked out a laugh from shock and relief. She patted Tina on her arm and replied cheerfully, "Got it in one, T. Don't tell her I told you though."

As Tina made a motion representing a zip being pulled across her mouth, Kit made a mental note to make sure Bette started planning a surprise birthday party for Tina.

… … … … …

Shane crashed through the door of the waiting room at such an alarming speed that Alice jumped right out of her seat and spilled water all over herself.

"Fuck, Shane!" she shouted.

"Sorry, sorry," Shane panted, "What have I missed? How is he?"

"He's fine and the baby is here with no problems," Tasha answered whilst dabbing Alice's dress with a tissue, "A nurse came round a few minutes before you got here and said we could see them both soon."

Shane smiled, "Excellent."

"Did Carmen not come with you?" Alice asked, still scowling at the drips of water falling from her hair.

"Wha-" Shane swivelled around, expecting to see Carmen behind her but instead she was staring down a completely deserted corridor. "She was behind me just now," Shane muttered more to herself than anybody as she left the room and jogged quickly back to the main reception.

Carmen was stood by the entrance to the Maternity Ward, looking oddly dazed and lost.

"Carmen," Shane called out as she approached, "It's this way." She pointed in the direction she had just come from but Carmen still stood there, looking straight through Shane as though she wasn't there.

Shane was immediately worried and firmly dragged Carmen to a chair. Frantically pulling a bottle of water from a bag, she pushed it up to Carmen's lips and sighed with relief when the latter grasped the bottle and began to gulp the cool, refreshing liquid.

When she had finished, Carmen focused her eyes onto Shane's and said sternly, "I'm fine. Stop looking at me like that, like I'm dying or something. Really, I'm fine. Just a little bit..." Carmen searched for the right word, "Overwhelmed, I guess. Though, I wouldn't mind if you helped me to my feet at least."

Shane immediately obeyed without questioning anything, even though her mind was racing to understand what had just happened. Something was clearly affecting Carmen but what was it? Unless Carmen confided in Shane she would never find out. _Perhaps_, Shane thought, _I should ask someone else to help me understand, like Alice. She's good with that stuff._

"Shane," Carmen said so quietly Shane wondered if she had imagined hearing her name, "Don't even think about talking about this to anyone, okay? Not even Alice."

Shane nodded. Damn, that woman could read her mind.

As they approached the waiting room, the sound of a baby crying and the coos of six women filled their ears.

"Come on you two," Max called from inside the room as he rested himself in an armchair, "Baby Joseph wants to meet you."

Carmen stopped dead in her tracks and grasped Shane's arm tightly. As Shane turned to her, she was taken aback by the look of sheer sadness and fear in Carmen's eyes.

"I can't," she whispered softly in a pained voice, "You go in. Go see the baby, please. I need to get some air."

Shane tried to protest but backed down at the sight of Carmen's pleading eyes.

"At least let me get someone, a nurse, to sit with you. Just in case."

Carmen nodded reluctantly as Shane beckoned for a nurse to help before entering the room ahead.

"Where is she going?" Max asked.

"She just needs some air. Hospitals are pretty stuffy you know? Now, where is he?"

Helena turned towards Shane with baby Joseph in her arms, swaying him in a seemingly futile attempt to calm his cries. Shane held out her arms eagerly as Helena passed him over. To say he looked like Max was an understatement. He had tufts of light brown hair here and there and the most intensely blue eyes Shane had ever seen, other than on Max himself.

"Oh, would you believe it? He screams for ages with the rest of us and as soon as Shane picks him up he's as quiet as a bloody mouse," Helena sulked.

This surprised Shane too as she hushed at him, placed a kiss on his tiny cheek and carefully handed him back to his father.

Just then, Shane's cell began to ring. Apologising, she stepped out of the room and pulled her cell from the pocket of her tight jeans. A string of unfamiliar numbers filled the screen. Puzzled, she pressed the answer button and lifted the cell to her ear.

"Hello?"

From the other end of the line she could hear someone panting heavily, the sound of an engine and traffic passing in the background.

"Shane?" A gruff male voice grunted.

Shane froze on the spot. She felt her hands shake with anger and unconsciously ran her fingers through her dishevelled hair twice.

"You there?" The voice asked.

"Wha-" Shane began hoarsely, feeling her throat constrict and her bottom lip start to quiver.

"Shane, listen."

"Fuck off." Shane answered curtly and swiftly ended the call.

For a few minutes she remained stood outside the room in which her friends gathered, once again cooing at the sleeping baby Joseph that rested tightly against Max's chest. As she returned, Alice immediately recognised the change in Shane's face as the latter looked positively furious and was trying to hold back tears that threatened to break through her barrier.

"Shane?" Alice called quietly, concern flooding her features, "What's wrong? Who was that on the phone?"

Shane cleared her throat and shook her head dismissively at her friend.

"Nothing," she muttered, "It was no one."

With that, she knelt next to Max and the tiny newborn, stroking his short tufts of hair and kissing his head, whilst Alice looked on with worry.


End file.
